My best friend confronted me about my drinking. It embarrassed me, it made me want to slink away. She did it in love and caring. But I feel exposed. Which is good. I need to know that others know.
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Yesterday
….I found and listened to the first 3 episodes of the Bubble Hour… back at their inception. So very very good. How alike the twisted thinking is of those caught up in the disease of addiction. I didn’t drink yesterday.
Reality
As I have become very very aware of how serious is my problem…I have revamped “the 100 day challenge” idea. For me it will be renamed the One Day Challenge.
Get up
and commit to the 100 Day Challenge.
Remember to me…
If I kid myself that I will be satisfied with 2 glasses of wine…I am self deceived. It will merely be a starting point for more…probably whiskey. Seeking that delightful buzz requires more because my capacity has grown. What I need for the buzz is a guaranteed hangover if not worse. So remember to myself…drinking is a hangover. Or a blackout. Or both. Is the buzz worth it? Sometimes I don’t even have a happy buzz. I just go straight to drunk.
Learning
I read several blogs tonight about alcohol. People writing who are in various stages of sobriety. Or as in my case, wanting to be. I’ve been struggling a lot and hating it. There is a Bible verse that says “why do I do what I don’t want to do…” I really haven’t grasped the addiction piece. I guess that’s why I struggle. I won’t give up.
Tomorrow is a New Day
and I will try try again. Others have done it. I will again.
