Thinking…

about wine when I get off work at 10:30. I sat at my desk and mulled it over. How nice it would be. Just a couple glasses. But then I remembered how much better I feel just 5 days along. And because it’s late it would only be 2 glasses…but then there’s tomorrow and the day after…I have 3 days off. And honestly if I think I can moderate and be content with 2 of anything…I am lying to myself. ย Nuts. So I will go home and be thankful for this day and the Good Lord reminding me…one more day.

How it went the last time

In the mid eighties my problem was escalating. I struggled for 3 years, crying and praying everyday please God help me stop. One day I came home from a wine lunch and my teen children saw me. I was very ashamed. I didn’t drink the next day nor the next nor the next…I stopped. And began to pray, thank You Lord for my day without and please remind me of how terrible I feel with a hangover. He did. And when three “almosts” came around in the early going, He provided something that broke the tunnel vision to cave. I didn’t know I wasn’t going to drink again for almost 25 years but that’s what happened. It became a non issue. Then…about five years ago I very gradually took it up again. I loved not drinking. I pray I will again. Thank You God ย for my day yesterday and remind me.

Mulligan

Mulligan in golf means you get a do over. But only once. I’ll take mine today please, as I read my friend, Tony’s post on defining addiction. So much I don’t know. I know a little about the progression of alcohol taking over…but the compulsion…hmmmmm

Cinco de Mayo

Well, I didn’t last the first day of saying no to the booze. We went to a nice dinner andย as our server took beverage orders, my mind just blanked out and I ordered wine just as easy as you please. I only had 2 glasses but…no congratulations for me. ๐Ÿ˜ž Many triggers that can trip me up. And I sure didn’t want to have to explain why I was only drinking water. ๐Ÿ‘ˆ ๐Ÿ™ˆ Interesting how writing this might be helpful to me.

Muscle Memory

I used to be a walker. It was what I did. No thought required just throw the shoes on and head out. Trying to get back in that habit again. Today is is my Day One, but day 5 of walking. I will have my companion “hangover” to tag along. I can walk with a hangover. Yes I can. ๐Ÿ‘Š